Frustrated at my own indecisiveness.

I decided not to go to the Sac Lindy Exchange.. I know! Blasphemous! Except I know that I need a break from dancing and traveling because I was really just starting to feel burnt out from it.

However, this weekend, now having a lack of plans has caused me to think, "Hmm.. it would be cool if I just showed up to the late night on Saturday and surprised everyone and had a great time". So I planned on leaving Chico around 11. I hung out w/ my friend Andrew earlier this evening and it was really cool to see him again too..but then I was all about getting ready to leave, so he took off. As soon as I got all dressed and ready to go, I suddenly didn't feel like going anymore. GEEZ!

Then I realized the problem... I want to go out and be social - desperately.. but I DON"T feel like dancing for a change. I just have absolutely no desire to. But I'm all dressed up, and now have nowhere to go. :( And I'm sure I would have a great time once I got there... but the thought of driving two hours for what may or may not be a great night of dancing, staying up all night, and coming home all exhausted again just suddenly didn't sound worth it anymore. I'll probably regret saying that once I hear about all the cool people that were there and how amazing the dancing was.. but oh well. A decision has finally been made.. and it has led me to writing this amazingly whiny blog. But I guess now I'll be REALLY excited for the next dancing opportunity that comes along... Let's hope.



So.. to all of my dear friends dancing the night away in Sactown.. hope you're having fun, and I look forward to seeing you soon!!

Breathing again.

You know, it's interesting... as soon as I finally make my overwhelmed feelings public.. I feel as though the very next day I experienced a huge relief.

I got a glimpse of my life after the storm .. and just a general feeling of overall calmness (is that even a word? lol) and control.

Then I remembered that life is always going to present you with some kind of storm.. and maybe "storm" isn't the best word for it. The sensation of being trapped in a storm is just more apparent at times. There will always be a million things to take care of, and places to be, and people to see.. and honestly, I am so thankful for that.

I had my third day of work as a pediatric nurse yesterday and already, in three days, I feel SO much better.. I love it even more. It still gets crazy.. I had three students of my own! Besides taking care of the patients of course.. But it's certainly my calling and what I really believe I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

I ran into a former psychology teacher of mine today and suddenly found myself deep into a wonderful and uplifting conversation. We talked about my life and dancing, my career.. his life and teaching (he dances a little bit too!) We talked about the relationship between the medical and psychology worlds.. and the new research going on in that field.. the compassion and lack thereof in nursing... focusing on the sociopsychological aspects of caring for patients and how that can be so easily neglected.. he asked me questions about a patient with neurological problems and head injuries and what that patient might expect in the hospital, which actually led to some really interesting conversation. He's writing a novel and struggling with a certain scene and needed some of the medical/technical information that certain situations would require, and also conventional ideas on dealing with patients in comas..

It was exciting to be able to have an intellectual conversation with someone and combine our knowledge of medicine and how people function, emotional states, what humans need in order to survive.. how people deal with living in constant states of stress.. and those who do so without even realizing it.

I love getting into those conversations and almost surprising myself with the extent of knowledge I have gained, feelings/opinions I have on different things.. and even more, questioning myself and developing new thoughts and ideas.

Overall, I am so thankful for where I am in my life, for all the wonderful people and experiences God has provided for me. Sometimes I am amazed with how strong love is... it can be overwhelming to feel it so strongly, for everyone in my life, as well as from them. Now I can be "overwhelmed" with that and I'd say that's certainly a change (or rather, a re-realization) for the better. :)

OVERWHELMED

Life can certainly be overwhelming at times.

And I'm going through some of those times..

~ Trying to not stress over whether or not I've passed the boards (still awaiting results). The good news is that the computer turned off at 75 questions, which is a good sign, but I'm still so nervous!!

~ Trying to maintain confidence enough to take on the responsibilities of pediatric nursing.. as a brand new nurse.. Since I've worked on that floor as an intern, my orientation was quite shorter than most, and I'm also starting on the day shift, which is much busier than nights, which is where most new grads start off. I know I can handle it, and it will only get better, it's just very overwhemling right now.

~ Going through the frustrating need for a short break from dancing. Just came home from the Portland Lindy Exchange; it was a really fun event, but I just didn't have the energy to be myself for the whole weekend! Such an odd sensation.. but I'm learning that sometimes you just need a break from traveling and dancing.. and once you take a break, you realize how much you really do love dancing when you're ready to come back into it.


Those are just a few of the things that are filling me to the brim with stress and anxiety. I'm normally really good at keeping a handle on stress and anxiety in my life.. but I'm feeling a bit overwhlemed these days...

Although, this morning I spent some time cleaning the house.. and oddly enough felt a glimpse of the calm my life will be once I feel like my feet are on the ground again.

That being said, I know that God will provide for me, and He wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle. I need to be reminded every once in awhile that I shouldn't worry about the things in life that aren't yet broken.. and no matter what happens, it all works out how it's meant to be in the end. :)